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Time Warner Controls Weather! and Other Nonsense

As I worked out in the gym, I saw an advertisement for  Time Warner’s Roadrunner cable internet service that resembled a newspaper. The headline blared in all capital letters, ROADRUNNER.COM TAKES WORLD BY STORM!!!

So, what kind of storm was it? Was it a tornado? Did it go to Oz?

There are other clichés that drive me nuts, in part because if you take their literal meaning, you get something ridiculous.

Example: manicured lawns. First of all, are the lawns getting mani-pedis? Where are they going to get these treatments? Is the gardener a licensed beautician, too?

Another: media circus. Are they all clowns? Who puts up the tent, gets into the cages with the lions, acts as ringmaster? Where is this circus, and how can I get a ticket?

How about state-of-the-art? I’ve been waiting for Art to make a speech about his state for a long time. When’s he going to do it?

I love this one: second-hand smoke. I didn’t know it had two hands. I’d like to see the first hand. Is it deformed?

Finally, here’s one my brother said to me today: go in whole hog. First of all, is that a direct command? And how would I fit in that hog? I don’t think a whole adult can fit in a whole hog.

Thanks to the late, great George Carlin for inspiration.

Until next time! Use the right words!


April 25, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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