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They Never Said That

If you’re going to quote the right words, make sure you get the quote right.

At last night’s networking meeting I attended, a jeweler got up and said, “Mae West once said, ‘Honey, diamonds are my career.’ Well, diamonds really are my career.”

Except Mae West never said that. According to several online sources, the exact quote is, “Men are my life, diamonds are my career.”

Here are 20 other examples of famous quotes never said:

Beam me up, Scotty — Since William Shatner never went down to a planet by himself, he couldn’t have said it. He did, however, say, “Beam us up, Scotty” and “Scotty, beam us up” several times.

Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride — Bette Davis actually says, “Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy night” in “All About Eve.”

Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a damn — I was shocked to find this one. I really thought everyone knew Clark Gable said, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” (And lest anyone think it was uttered in the original Margaret Mitchell novel, Butler said, “My dear, I don’t give a damn.”)

Greed is good — Michael Douglas actually says, “The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into — Oliver Hardy actually told Stan Laurel, “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.”

Houston, we have a problem — Astronaut Jim Lovell never said that during the doomed Apollo 13 mission. Fellow astronaut Jack Swigert said, “OK, Houston, we’ve had a problem here.” Lovell then repeats, “…Ah, Houston, we’ve had a problem.”

I want to suck/drink your blood — Go back and watch Bela Lugosi in “Dracula” and you won’t find anything close to him saying that.

I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille — Gloria Swanson says, “Alright, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.”

Let them eat cake — Marie Antoinette never said that. It was Marie-Therese, wife of Louis the XIV, who said it, about 100 years earlier.

Luke, I am your father — Darth Vader actually said, “No, I am your father” after Luke Skywalker told him that Obi-Wan Kenobi told Luke that Darth Vader had killed Luke’s father.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? — In “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” the evil queen actually says, “Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”

Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me? — Dustin Hoffman asks Anne Bancroft, “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”

Nice guys finish last — Although Brooklyn Dodgers manager Leo Durocher used this as his autobiography title, he never said it. What he said was, “They nice guys are over there. In seventh place.” He referred to the New York Giants.

Play it again, Sam — Ingrid Bergman says, “Play it once, Sam, for old times’ sake.” Humphrey Bogart says, “You played it for her, you can play it for me.”

Say it ain’t so, Joe — A child actually asked Joe Jackson, “It ain’t so, Joe, is it?” regarding his role in throwing the 1919 World Series.

There’s a sucker born every minute — incorrectly attributed to P.T. Barnum. His competitor, David Hannum, actually said it.

We have ways of making you talk — In “The Lives of a Bengal Lancer” (1935), Douglass Dumbrille (as treacherous Mohammed Khan) actually says, “Well, gentlemen. We have ways to make men talk.”

We’re gonna need a bigger boat — Roy Scheider ad-libbed the line in “Jaws,” but he actually said, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

What we have here is a failure to communicate — In “Cool Hand Luke,” Strother Martin says, “What we’ve got here is” then he pauses before continuing, “failure to communicate.”

Why don’t you come up and see me sometime? — Mae West didn’t say that, either. She said, “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?” in “She Done Him Wrong.”

Until next time! Use the right words!


May 28, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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