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Gallagher: Another Wordsmith

Before I truly appreciated the words and wisdom of George Carlin, I knew of Gallagher.

Most people who know him know that the finale to his act is to smash things with a giant wooden mallet that he called the “Sledge-O-Matic.” The finale always was smashing a watermelon. I remember that, too, from his many Showtime specials in the 1980s. But now, I find the Sledge-O-Matic distasteful, and if I ever go to a Gallagher show, I will certainly sit in the back, away from the “splash zone.”

Instead, I marvel at his word play, such as the following from his 1981 special, “Mad as Hell:”

Why is there so much unemployment when there’s so much work to do?

If you write a check that bounces, … what does the bank do? Charge you more of what they know you don’t have any of.

You look at the pyramids in Egypt. You think, now there stands an example of man’s initiative, hard work and stick-to-it, and it ain’t. It’s a monument to his laziness. It was obviously built by people with diminishing goals.

We buy weights to get in shape; put ’em in the garage, have an electric garage door opener.

Why does it take robbers an hour to clean you out but it takes two weeks for you to move in? Robbers ought to be movers.

Do Indians bother with bald cowboys? (Note: I know the term now is “Native Americans,” but this was 1981.)

What could it cost to put a toilet in a Mercedes? Call it the Outhousen 100. Then the Japanese get wind of it and counter with the Toiletta. Then America comes back the the P-car. He (guy in audience) says a dump truck.

Why can my car take a leak on the freeway but I can’t?

Word that don’t go together: air quality, hamburger steak, military intelligence, House ethics, grand children, marijuana initiative

God made flying squirrels. Why? So they can swoop down and surprise unsuspecting acorns?

Until next time! Use the right words!


January 24, 2017 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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