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Words Get in the Way of Networking

When it comes to networking, I find it funny that a person who needs to use the right words to sell himself or herself often says things that make me wonder. Following are actual words I heard networkers utter.

funny hanky panky — I don’t usually find anything funny about hanky panky, unless it’s like something from the “American Pie” movies.

cleaning maids — Is there any other kind? (NOTE: I know a maid is “a young unmarried woman,” but that is a shortening of the original word, maiden.)

protect against free radicals — as opposed to paid radicals?

We’re holding a Shakespearean meeting: on the Ides of March — First of all, the Ides of March (March 15) predates Shakespeare’s play. S0 does Julius Caesar’s assassination — by about 1,600 years .

I got married to my wife — No, you got married to a woman who then became your wife.

It costs just $8,000 a month, $100,000 a year — No, it costs $96,000 a year.

I have a prosthetic shoulder, which some of you know about and some of you don’t — That about covers it.

Until next time! Use the right words!


February 28, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway and the Oscar Confusion

I’ve been thinking about last night’s Academy Awards confusion, when Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway incorrectly announced that “La La Land” had won Best Picture when “Moonlight” actually had, and I’ve concluded that it could have been avoided.

How? The answer lies in the words.

Beatty, to this credit, took the stage and explained that the card he held said “Emma Stone, La La Land.” Stone had just won for Best Actress, so there was no way Emma Stone had won Best Picture (she wasn’t even nominated for Best Picture!). Beatty and Dunaway should have known better. I also noticed that neither was wearing glasses; they should have, and if they don’t own glasses, they should.

Besides, when the real winning card was held up for the cameras, it clearly said not only the name of the winning movie and the winning producers, it also said the name of the category, albeit in smaller type at the bottom of the card (want to bet the motion picture academy makes the category larger in the future?). That is something else the presenters should have caught.

Granted, the people backstage who knew the mistake didn’t move fast enough, allowing for too many “La  La Land” people to take the stage and give speeches, and the whole mess made for such great TV that my wife asked to rewatch it, at which time she saw Stone mouth, “Oh my god” several times as tuxedo-clad backstage people scrambled amongst the thought-they-were-winners to get it right.

But I put the blame on Beatty and Dunaway for not reading the card carefully enough.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 27, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friends Don’t Let Friends Commit Crimes

Another day, another scam email. This one has the audacity to call me “Friend.”

Dear Friend,

I got your e-mail address contact through your country’s Information Exchange On
line while browsing and after that,I decided to contact you to ask for your
assistance in this urgent matter that requires trust, confidentiality because you
might receive this message in your Inbox,Junk/Spam folder.

My name is Mr. Nafiz Karadere senior Manager of ( GARANTI BANK OF TURKEY) I am 55
years old man,married with four children.

I have a very urgent,confidential and profitable business for both of us Valued at
$25.5 Million (Twenty Five Million, Five Hundred Thousand United state Dollars).
This fund is an excess of what my branch in which I am the senior manager made as
profit last year. I have already submitted an approved End of the Year 2015 report
to my Head Office and they will never know of this Excess.I have since then, placed
this amount of $25.5 Million (Twenty Five Million,Five Hundred Thousand United state
Dollars) on a SUSPENSE SECURITY without a beneficiary.

As a senior Manager of the bank,I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I
am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money as the beneficiary
of the funds. If we could do this together,we shall share this funds 50/50 between
us accordingly and this transaction is 100% risk free,as no-risk involved in this
and this is going to be a direct transaction. All I need from you is to stand as the
original depositor of this fund.

If interested,please write back for more information,while I shall explain more in
details as soon as I got a response from you if you are interested.

Thanks for your kind understanding,awaiting your response!
Best Regards,
Mr. Nafiz Karadere


  1. I know of no such Information Exchange (or Information Exchange On).
  2. If you read this carefully, you will see that “Mr. Nafiz Karadere” is embezzling the $25.5 million. Also, I’m pretty sure that what he’s asking you to do is a crime.
  3. Get the name of the country right, dumbshit. It’s United States.
  4. What is a “suspense security?”
  5. Too many spacing mistakes, among many other obvious errors.
  6. If he submitted an end of year 2015 report, why did he wait a year before writing this? It smacks of criminal action, if you ask me.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 23, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Hope You Stay Stuck in That Airport

This is not about President Donald Trump’s travel ban that caused people to be unable to leave various airports. If you read the latest scam email I received, you will see why I hope this con artist stays stuck in some unnamed airport.

As this is a shorter letter, I counted only 12 mistakes. Don’t make it 13 by calling the phone number. It’s a Columbus, Ohio area code.

Dear Card Owner,
This is to notify you today that I Mr. Rex Anthonio have already arrived to your
country yesterday with your ATM CARD which is valued at $1.5 million united state
dollars Sent from European Union branch Turkey. Kindly send your information for
reconfirmation, to avoid wrong delivery. below is my telephone numbers; (614)559
(1)Your Full Name:
(2)Mobile Phone Number:
(3)Current Home Address:
(4)Fax Number:
(7)Nearest Airport :
Note that am in an airport right now waiting for your e-mail, so kindly send your
complete delivery information as I have directed you,to avoid misplacement.
I am,
Rex Anthonio

I typed “Aimes Delivery Company” into Google. No such name came up.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 21, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Networkers Say the Darndest Things

Whenever I go to a networking event, I make sure I bring either writing utensil and paper or my phone’s notepad app so I can record the “golden utterances” of certain people.

After an earthquake, water turns into gold — I would prefer if water stayed water. I can’t drink gold.

Some of you are in this room right now — The rest of us are out to lunch. Or disguised as empty seats.

I know this little documentary filmmaker — How tall is this documentary filmmaker? is he as tall as Verne Troyer (2 feet, 8 inches)? Warwick Davis (3-6)? Kenny Baker (3-8)? Danny DeVito (4-10)?

Or, how little are the documentaries? To qualify for Academy Award consideration, they’ve got to be no longer than 40 minutes.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 14, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Doth it Scam? Let Me Count the Ways

Dear Email Spammer/Scammer:

If you want to gain my trust/attention/money, you’re going to have to do better than this. The mistakes are so numerous as to strain belief (these are like “alternative facts,” which I’m sure you don’t understand). Still, I will point out a few in the hopes that maybe you’ll see how ridiculous you are.

  1. It’s not addressed to anyone, unless someone you know is called “Dear.”
  2. The name is spelled two different ways.
  3. It’s missing numerous commas, at least one period, and twice there isn’t space between words when there should be.
  4. “resident London?”
  5. The cancer is unnecessarily capitalized.
  6. If you’re really an American citizen, why do you write about making donations in my country? My country is your country.
  7. Nobody I know writes “crave your indulgence.”
  8. Emphasize not “emphasis.”
  9. “Sincerity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  10. “Inasmuch” is one word, not three.
  11. “reaching out you?”
  12. “Charity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  13. “someone” is one word, not two.
  14. No one I know says “luxury of time.” They just say “time.”
  15. You obviously haven’t heard the term “burying the lead.” This is where you put the most important part down in your letter. In your case, you buried the lead about as far down as possible because $7.5 million (note how I wrote that) and how you want assistance in giving it away is the point of this email.

Dear ,

I am Wilson Ben an American citizen but resident London where I am currently
hospitalized for treatment of Esophageal cancer and therefore, in need of your
assistance. I intend to make donations to the poor and less privileged in your
country as a matter of urgency and utmost importance to me and hereby crave your
indulgence to read this letter with with all seriousness and the desired attention
that it requires

I wish to emphasis that this proposed project is based on absolute trust, integrity
and Sincerity of purpose in order to have a consensus of like minds.

In as much as I would not completely rule out the possibility of doubts in your
heart in respect of this letter as a result of the activities of internet fraudsters
which has made genuine and legitimate businesses a bit cumbersome,I will
nevertheless, implore you to consider this piece as about my only way of reaching
out you with a view to making you a potential partner.

At the moment, I do not have much hope as I have lost my voice already and think it
is prudent that I begin to make arrangement for the management of my estate as I
have no children to survive me or inherit my estate. It is my plan to give out my
estate to Charity and I am looking for some one to assist me do this hence this
mail.It is hoped that you partner with me on this. I would appreciate a response as
I do not have the luxury of time. The amount involved is USD 7.5 Million dollars.

Best Regards,

Willson Ben

Conclusion: English is not your first language, and unless you’re trying to scam people whose English is like yours, you don’t have much of a chance to meet your objectives.

Move along.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 7, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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