Guaranteed to improve your English

How Doth it Scam? Let Me Count the Ways

Dear Email Spammer/Scammer:

If you want to gain my trust/attention/money, you’re going to have to do better than this. The mistakes are so numerous as to strain belief (these are like “alternative facts,” which I’m sure you don’t understand). Still, I will point out a few in the hopes that maybe you’ll see how ridiculous you are.

  1. It’s not addressed to anyone, unless someone you know is called “Dear.”
  2. The name is spelled two different ways.
  3. It’s missing numerous commas, at least one period, and twice there isn’t space between words when there should be.
  4. “resident London?”
  5. The cancer is unnecessarily capitalized.
  6. If you’re really an American citizen, why do you write about making donations in my country? My country is your country.
  7. Nobody I know writes “crave your indulgence.”
  8. Emphasize not “emphasis.”
  9. “Sincerity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  10. “Inasmuch” is one word, not three.
  11. “reaching out you?”
  12. “Charity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  13. “someone” is one word, not two.
  14. No one I know says “luxury of time.” They just say “time.”
  15. You obviously haven’t heard the term “burying the lead.” This is where you put the most important part down in your letter. In your case, you buried the lead about as far down as possible because $7.5 million (note how I wrote that) and how you want assistance in giving it away is the point of this email.

Dear ,

I am Wilson Ben an American citizen but resident London where I am currently
hospitalized for treatment of Esophageal cancer and therefore, in need of your
assistance. I intend to make donations to the poor and less privileged in your
country as a matter of urgency and utmost importance to me and hereby crave your
indulgence to read this letter with with all seriousness and the desired attention
that it requires

I wish to emphasis that this proposed project is based on absolute trust, integrity
and Sincerity of purpose in order to have a consensus of like minds.

In as much as I would not completely rule out the possibility of doubts in your
heart in respect of this letter as a result of the activities of internet fraudsters
which has made genuine and legitimate businesses a bit cumbersome,I will
nevertheless, implore you to consider this piece as about my only way of reaching
out you with a view to making you a potential partner.

At the moment, I do not have much hope as I have lost my voice already and think it
is prudent that I begin to make arrangement for the management of my estate as I
have no children to survive me or inherit my estate. It is my plan to give out my
estate to Charity and I am looking for some one to assist me do this hence this
mail.It is hoped that you partner with me on this. I would appreciate a response as
I do not have the luxury of time. The amount involved is USD 7.5 Million dollars.

Best Regards,

Willson Ben

Conclusion: English is not your first language, and unless you’re trying to scam people whose English is like yours, you don’t have much of a chance to meet your objectives.

Move along.

Until next time! Use the right words!


February 7, 2017 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

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