usingtherightwords

Guaranteed to improve your English

Too Bad This Offer Isn’t Genuine


I received the following email:

Dear Friend ,


If this message intrude into your privacy or cause you any 
inconvenience, I sincerely apologize as that's not the intended 
purpose.

I am one of the senior staff of Emirates Development Bank, here 
in ABU DHABI, UAE. We have an amount of money to the tune of five 
hundred million United State dollars (US$500,000.000.) only, 
floating in our Bank that we can re-profile for our mutual 
benefit, if you agree to cooperate with me. This is just between 
You and me, and we can split the fund in the ratio of 50/50%, as 
I do not want to be greedy. You will be the recipient and I will 
show you how we can execute the transaction successfully. There 
is no risk involved and it will be a hitch-free transaction.

If you want to work with me, kindly indicate your interest to do 
so and I will give you the details. This is strictly confidential 
and must not be disclosed to a third party please. For further 
correspondence, Kindly and urgently reply to my private email as 
follows: 

fahiim.abdul@gmail.com

My Regards,

Abdul Al Fahim

This couldn’t come at a more frustrating time. I’m having money problems, so I really wish there was somebody out there willing to share $500 million dollars. But I know it’s not the case because I don’t believe anybody really reaches out randomly on a email list. Plus, I think what he’s asking to do, split money that seems to belong to the bank, is criminal.

Besides:

  1. There’s a space after the comma in the greeting.
  2. There’s a bad space in the first paragraph.
  3. Nobody who speaks English as a first language would write “$500,000.000.”
  4. The name of the country is United States.
  5. There’s a space missing between “US” and the dollar amount.
  6. “You” is improperly capitalized.
  7. Nobody who speaks English as a first language would write “50/50%.”
  8. There’s a bad break in the last paragraph, making me think that there should have been a period after “confidential.”
  9. “Kindly” is improperly capitalized.

Also, please, nobody contact that email address.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

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April 27, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

(this headline intentionally written all lower case)


I received the following email:

this is mark fish i come back here in the state and i ask of your fund $4.8 and the home land security told me that is still in there office and i need to inform you if you still need in just emaill me your new address now for the urgent delivery
thank mark fish
call me or text (404­448­2­27­3

Although the name is Mark Fish (I’ll capitalize it correctly, thank you), the email address is from an A. Rodriguez, and it ends “.mx,” making it from Mexico. Maybe it was also written by somebody who speaks Spanish as a first language — the person certainly doesn’t speak English as a first language.

I counted 21 errors.

Also, please, nobody call or text that number.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

April 25, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m Well, but the Words Make Me Sick


It’s never fun to get sick. It saps my energy, makes me lazy and prevents me from being productive. But now that I’m better, let’s dive in and make fun of the following utterances at networking events.

It’s going to cost $15 and $5 for kids up to 12 — Do you mean up to age 12 or do you mean up to 12 children? If it’s 12 children, how much does the 13th and every subsequent child cost?

The crabfest was a big crabfest — To paraphrase “Animal House,” Circular reasoning is no way to go through life, son.

If you’re on the list, you’re on the list — See above, although maybe you don’t want to be on the list. In that case, you’re not on the list.

We specialize in pest control, including agricultural gophers — There are 25 types of gophers indigenous to North and Central America, but I can’t find “agricultural” as one of them.

We’ve been blowing up dance floors for years, and we’ll blow yours up, too — No need to get violent. We just want to have a good time.

Thank you for my continuing shirts — Wouldn’t it be cheaper to wash the shirts?

And finally…

Person one: I’m a handyman.

Person two: Can you fix the crack of dawn?

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

April 18, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Yes, They Really Said That


You never believe that people will misspeak — until they do. Here are four examples I have heard at networking meetings.

You can pay on the last day of the month, which I think is the 28th — This is April. The last day of the month is the 30th.

Prevention is the key to life — I have found sayings that prevention is the key to success,  kidney health, fighting Zika, a safer life, solving health care and a healthy life. Stevie Wonder would say songs are the key to life.

I’m currently working in an office in Tarzana — No, you’re currently standing in front of me in Chatsworth. (For those of you who don’t know, Tarzana and Chatsworth are in the San Fernando Valley.)

Some of these items are priced really well — And some aren’t?

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

April 4, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment