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Art Linkletter Would Be Proud

If I were to create a TV show, I would call it (and apologies to Art Linkletter and his heirs) “Networkers Say the Darndest Things.” (Also, apologies to word snobs everywhere, as darndest is not really a word.)

Put your hands together — Think about it: If you put your hands together, you’re not really clapping your hands.

Keep your eyes out for … — I’d rather keep my eyes in their sockets, thank you very much.

I was a child of a single mother — Now, follow me on this. In its most technical sense, everyone has a single mother (egg donor) and father (sperm donor). I know people will say, “What about same-sex families?” But when it comes to creating a new life, everyone has one biological female parent and one biological male parent. There is no other way for humans.

Fun fact, earthquakes — Earthquakes are not fun.

What’s the one good thing about getting kicked off a Delta Airlines flight? — The recent news story was about a person who got kicked off a United Airlines flight, so the joke doesn’t work.

We now have two mikes — and three Larrys.

Until next time! Use the right words!


May 30, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wish I Had Entered This Trivia Contest

I was listening to the radio one morning last week when I came upon a trivia contest, with the winner receiving front-row seats to an upcoming John Mellencamp concert.

I wish I had known about this sooner, so I could have tried to enter. My wife likes Mellencamp and would have liked to see him. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the radio station I usually listen to in the mornings.

So, I listened to the contest and got every question correct, which didn’t surprise me. I recently went on a cruise in which I entered eight trivia contests, winning four and finishing second twice.

But it was the last question that, had I been playing, I might have lost despite knowing the correct answer.

The question: “True or False: There are earthquakes on the moon.”

The contestant simply answered “True” and was right. But I knew it wasn’t that simple.

Immediately, I knew how I would have answered: “Technically, the answer is false because you can’t have earthquakes on the moon; you could have moonquakes. However, if you mean, ‘Can there be seismic activity on the moon?’ then the answer is True.”

Then I thought, What if seismic relates to Earth only? I looked up the word and found the secondary definition: “of or relating to a vibration on a celestial body (as the moon) comparable to a seismic event on earth.”

I would have won. I would have annoyed the host because I was being so technical, but I would have won. And my wife would have seen Mellencamp, and I could have finally told her that my knowing what she calls “unimportant things” led to something good.

Until next time! Use the right words!

July 20, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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