usingtherightwords

Guaranteed to improve your English

Too Bad This Offer Isn’t Genuine


I received the following email:

Dear Friend ,


If this message intrude into your privacy or cause you any 
inconvenience, I sincerely apologize as that's not the intended 
purpose.

I am one of the senior staff of Emirates Development Bank, here 
in ABU DHABI, UAE. We have an amount of money to the tune of five 
hundred million United State dollars (US$500,000.000.) only, 
floating in our Bank that we can re-profile for our mutual 
benefit, if you agree to cooperate with me. This is just between 
You and me, and we can split the fund in the ratio of 50/50%, as 
I do not want to be greedy. You will be the recipient and I will 
show you how we can execute the transaction successfully. There 
is no risk involved and it will be a hitch-free transaction.

If you want to work with me, kindly indicate your interest to do 
so and I will give you the details. This is strictly confidential 
and must not be disclosed to a third party please. For further 
correspondence, Kindly and urgently reply to my private email as 
follows: 

fahiim.abdul@gmail.com

My Regards,

Abdul Al Fahim

This couldn’t come at a more frustrating time. I’m having money problems, so I really wish there was somebody out there willing to share $500 million dollars. But I know it’s not the case because I don’t believe anybody really reaches out randomly on a email list. Plus, I think what he’s asking to do, split money that seems to belong to the bank, is criminal.

Besides:

  1. There’s a space after the comma in the greeting.
  2. There’s a bad space in the first paragraph.
  3. Nobody who speaks English as a first language would write “$500,000.000.”
  4. The name of the country is United States.
  5. There’s a space missing between “US” and the dollar amount.
  6. “You” is improperly capitalized.
  7. Nobody who speaks English as a first language would write “50/50%.”
  8. There’s a bad break in the last paragraph, making me think that there should have been a period after “confidential.”
  9. “Kindly” is improperly capitalized.

Also, please, nobody contact that email address.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

April 27, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Better Written But Still Spam


I received the following (obviously) spam email. I usually point out how poorly written these emails are and how they’re clearly not written by someone with command of English, but this one is different. As best I can tell, there are only punctuation problems.

Dear valued member,

It has been a very long time since I emailed you about a rare investment opportunity.

You signed up to my newsletter because you were seeking to only invest in companies
which I can guarantee will go up and I only email you when I know one will.

The last stock I told you to buy went up about 1000% and this next one is guaranteed
a solid 1300% keep on reading to find out why.

INCT (incapta inc) is a drone-maker with proprietary algorithms which essentially
bring drones to life. These algorithms give the drones the capability to act
independent of a physical operator.

Because of they own this amazing technology which they developed in house, they have
been receiving huge attention from the US Army as well as several private firms
including DJI and Amazon.

A guy I work with at a mergers and acquisition firm in New York told me that INCT is
about to be bought out for $1.37 per share on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. He
has always come through for me.

While INCT may currently seem stagnant, that?s because very few people know about
this imminent deal so don’t let that fool you.

I don’t expect the stock price to swing much in either direction until the takeover
is announced next week, at which point it will shoot up to around $1.37 overnight.

You know what to do if you want to profit when this happens.

Keep it on the hush, but do act quickly.

Best Regards,
Katheryn White

First of all, I didn’t sign up for any newsletter. You got my email address from someone else.

Secondly, and this is important: I received this exact email three times from three different names and email addresses: White (White0150@jgkphotography.com), Abe Ferguson (Ferguson50112@saresllc.com) and Hassan Whitaker (Whitaker96630@business.telecomitalia.it).

I include the names and email addresses as a public service. Now, you can know that should you receive anything from these “people” and these email addresses, you’ll know to ignore them at least and report them at best.

You’re welcome.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

March 23, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Doth it Scam? Let Me Count the Ways


Dear Email Spammer/Scammer:

If you want to gain my trust/attention/money, you’re going to have to do better than this. The mistakes are so numerous as to strain belief (these are like “alternative facts,” which I’m sure you don’t understand). Still, I will point out a few in the hopes that maybe you’ll see how ridiculous you are.

  1. It’s not addressed to anyone, unless someone you know is called “Dear.”
  2. The name is spelled two different ways.
  3. It’s missing numerous commas, at least one period, and twice there isn’t space between words when there should be.
  4. “resident London?”
  5. The cancer is unnecessarily capitalized.
  6. If you’re really an American citizen, why do you write about making donations in my country? My country is your country.
  7. Nobody I know writes “crave your indulgence.”
  8. Emphasize not “emphasis.”
  9. “Sincerity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  10. “Inasmuch” is one word, not three.
  11. “reaching out you?”
  12. “Charity” is unnecessarily capitalized.
  13. “someone” is one word, not two.
  14. No one I know says “luxury of time.” They just say “time.”
  15. You obviously haven’t heard the term “burying the lead.” This is where you put the most important part down in your letter. In your case, you buried the lead about as far down as possible because $7.5 million (note how I wrote that) and how you want assistance in giving it away is the point of this email.

Dear ,

I am Wilson Ben an American citizen but resident London where I am currently
hospitalized for treatment of Esophageal cancer and therefore, in need of your
assistance. I intend to make donations to the poor and less privileged in your
country as a matter of urgency and utmost importance to me and hereby crave your
indulgence to read this letter with with all seriousness and the desired attention
that it requires

I wish to emphasis that this proposed project is based on absolute trust, integrity
and Sincerity of purpose in order to have a consensus of like minds.

In as much as I would not completely rule out the possibility of doubts in your
heart in respect of this letter as a result of the activities of internet fraudsters
which has made genuine and legitimate businesses a bit cumbersome,I will
nevertheless, implore you to consider this piece as about my only way of reaching
out you with a view to making you a potential partner.

At the moment, I do not have much hope as I have lost my voice already and think it
is prudent that I begin to make arrangement for the management of my estate as I
have no children to survive me or inherit my estate. It is my plan to give out my
estate to Charity and I am looking for some one to assist me do this hence this
mail.It is hoped that you partner with me on this. I would appreciate a response as
I do not have the luxury of time. The amount involved is USD 7.5 Million dollars.

Best Regards,

Willson Ben

Conclusion: English is not your first language, and unless you’re trying to scam people whose English is like yours, you don’t have much of a chance to meet your objectives.

Move along.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

February 7, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Does Warren Buffet Know?


 

Another day, another obvious email scam, this time allegedly from Warren Buffet.

I have never met Buffett, but I’ve got to believe that his command of English is better than this “author.”

ME MR WARREN AND MY WIFE SUSAN BUFFETT

Date 19/11/2016

Greetings To You From Mr Warren Edward Buffet,

it is categorically cleared that you have emerge as MY beneficiary. This is to
inform you about my plan to send your fund to you via Diplomatic cash delivery
system. This system will be easier for you and I.The 5,000,000,00 USD was deposited
with a security company in Nigeria for security reasons and better protection of the
funds with help of my bank in Nigeria.note I am going to send your donation amount
of (5,000,000.00 USD) To you via diplomatic delivery.I have secured every needed
document to cover the money. Note: The money is coming on (2) two security proof
boxes. The boxes are sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine.
Please you don’t have to worry for any thing in respect of this your transaction.The
boxes are coming with a Diplomatic agent who will accompany the boxes to your house
address. THE BOX SECURITY CODE NUMBER IS (214)

Do make sure you switch on your mobile phone so that the diplomat will establish
communication with you upon his arrival. Be informed of the delivery schedule that
will be use in bringing your donation award which you obtain from me Mr Warren
Buffet. The diplomat will be leaving Nigeria by 18:00 (GMT). Nigeria time, to arrive
in your USA for registration and tagging of your package formalities before he
proceed to your door step latest 18:00 Hours (GMT) U.S.A time due to the large time
difference and when he arrive he will book an appointment with you on how you are
going to meet. Below is the details of the delivery schedule:

NAME OF DIPLOMAT AGENT: MR. EDDIE SCOTT

EMAIL ADDRESS: eddiescott110@gmail.com

DISPATCHING AIRPORT MURITALA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LAGOS NIGERIA ARRIVING AIRPORT: (JFK) JOHN KENNEDY AIRPORT NEW YORK USA

THE DIPLOMAT NEEDS THE FOLLOWINGS DETAILS FOR ACCURATE DELIVERY OF THE TWO CONSIGNMENT BOXES,PLEASE FILL THE FORM CORRECTLY AND SEND TO MR EDDIE SCOTT EMAIL: eddiescott110@gmail.com

YOUR FULL NAME :

HOUSE ADDRESS :

CLOSEST AIRPORT IN YOUR CITY:

CELL NUMBER:

PHONE NUMBER:

OCCUPATION:

AGE:

COUNTRY:

SEND THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO THE DELIVER MAN MR EDDIE SCOTT AT HIS EMAIL: eddiescott110@gmail.com

NOTE: I RECEIVED ALERT FROM AMERICA GOVERNMENT THAT YOU WILL MAKE PAYMENT FOR REGISTRATION AND CLEARANCE OF YOUR $5 MILLION USD WHICH WILL COST YOU $960 BEFORE THE DIPLOMAT CAN BE ALLOWED TO DISPATCH THE FUNDS TO YOUR DOOR STEP, YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT PAYMENT NOT THE DIPLOMAT.I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO SEND ME ANY MONEY BUT THIS CLEARANCE FEE IS A VAT AIRPORT CHARGES THAT A BENEFICIARY WILL PAY TO
HIS OR HER GOVERNMENT,I HAVE PAID FOR THE FLIGHT TICKET,THE HOTEL EXPENSES AND THE DIPLOMAT FEEDING WHILE HE IS IN UNITED STATES BUT I CAN NOT PAY FOR THE CLEARANCE FEE BECAUSE YOUR NAME IS SUPPOSE TO BE ON THE CLEARANCE RECEIPT AND CERTIFICATE AS THE BENEFICIARY SO THAT YOU CAN EASILY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT OR MAKE GOOD USE OF THE MONEY IN YOUR CITY WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM.PLEASE KINDLY UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT
ASKING YOU FOR ANY MONEY,AND I WILL NOT ASK YOU TO SEND ME ANY MONEY.

IMPORTANT ADVISE: DO NOT ATTEND TO ANY OTHER PERSON IN RESPECT OF YOUR FUNDS TO AVOID IMPERSONATION OR DIVERSION SO BE WARNED, AND ANY MAIL YOU RECEIVE WITHOUT THIS CODE(FG/AHG/XGX/214) KINDLY IGNORE AND DISREGARDS IT, ALSO DO FORWARD IT TO ME FOR SECURITY PURPOSE.DO CONTACT MR EDDIE SCOTT AT HIS EMAIL: eddiescott110@gmail.com
CONTACT HIM IMMEDIATELY AND NOTE HE WILL ARRIVE IN UNITED STATES SOONER

 

Questions:

  1. Why is it always Nigeria?
  2. How do you pad with a machine?
  3. Why all capital letters?
  4. How can I stop Mr. Eddie Scott (or whomever is behind this) from scamming anyone else?

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

November 22, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Response to a Scam Email


I’m not sure if I should laugh, cry or wince. Maybe all three.

I especially love how this obvious scam email tries to establish credibility with a link that supposedly takes you to the actual BBC News website’s home page but in fact goes to an Error 404 message. How legitimate is that?

I am Attorney Mamadou Samurai , I have decided to bestow this trust on
you, which I pray you will not ignore or betray. I apologize in
advance for any inconveniences this may cause you. I am the Personal
Attorney to late Engineer P. B. Corcoran, who was a contractor here in
Benin Republic. He died 2003 with his entire family perished in
Air-Crash on board from Cotonou. View the below BBC web site for more
information, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/ africa/3348109.stm

As a matter of fact, my client made a fixed deposit amount, valued at
($18.5m) Million USD with a Financial Institution here in Benin Rep,
upon the duration time of their agreement, His Bank started contacting
him but no response consequently, the bank issued me a notice to
provide the next of kin to the deceased as his personal attorney, or
have his account confiscated after ten years, as it is in the law of
this country.

Since then, I have made several contacts to his countries embassy in
order to locate any of my clients extended relatives, which had also
been unsuccessful. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the
relatives for over two years now, I seek your consent to present you
as the next of kin of the deceased since none of his relatives were no
way to be found so that the proceeds of this account valued at $18.5
million dollars could be transferred into your bank account.
Thereafter, we will both share it in percentage according to our
contributions to boost the success of this great transaction.

I have all the necessary information’s that can be used to back up the
claims from the bank where the fund was deposited by the deceased. All
I require is your honest cooperation to enable us make this great
benefiting transaction successfully.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement
that will protect you from any breach of the law. And the way we are
going to achieve this, I will need the following information from you,

Your Full Name and Address, Your Age, Occupation and Position,
Your Telephone and Mobile for Communication Purpose. For privacy, reply to my
private Email attorneymamadousamurai3@gmail.com

I await your reply ASAP.

Best Regards,
Attorney Mamadou Samurai

If I could reply, I’d reply like this:

Dear Mamadou Samurai (if that is indeed your real name. How do you get an African name meaning  “Mohammed” and a Japanese name meaning “a member of the warrior class of feudal Japan?”):

Not only do I ignore and betray this trust, I don’t apologize for anything. There is no P.B. Corcoran, no plane crash, no money, no embassy contacts. I am not the next of kin, nor have I ever been to Africa. You cannot pass me off as next of kin as this is an illegal act and, therefore, not a legitimate arrangement as you say. This is obviously a scam and I will report you to the highest authority. There is nothing legitimate about this. It is all a breach of law. There is nothing honest about cooperating with you. You will never get my personal information, and I will not be privately replying to your private email ASAP.

You obviously don’t speak English as a first language, for if you had, you would have known the following:

  1. What to capitalize and not capitalize,
  2. Proper punctuation,
  3. Proper word tense,
  4. Proper word choice (example: “countries embassy” instead of “country’s embassy and the name of the country: Republic of Benin, not Benin Rep)
  5. Redundancy

Worst Regards.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

November 8, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Does Bill Gates Know?


I’ve won more lotteries and inheritances online without entering any of them than I can believe. Now, Bill Gates wants to give me $5 million. I have never met or spoken to Bill Gates. And from the looks of this email, neither have the potential scammers, who like other similar email writers don’t appear to speak English as a first language.

As always, count the mistakes. It starts with the email address, continues with the dollar amount, USD designation, random capitalizations and incorrect capitalizations, spacings, punctuation problems, misspellings, deleted words. I stopped after 35 errors.

Greetings to You

You have been gifted $5 MILLION USD From Mr Bill Gates. Contact me at this email for your claim: billgatedonation06@qq.com

I hope this information meet you well as I know you will be curious to know why/how
I selected you to receive a sum of $5,000,000,00 USD, our information below is 100%
legitimate, please see the link below:

http://www.cnet.com/news/bill-and-melinda-gates-top-forbes-list-as-most-philanthropic-americans/

I BILL GATES and my wife decided to donate the sum of $5,000,000,00 USD to you as
part of our charity project to improve the 10 lucky individuals all over the world
from our $78 Billion Usd I and My Wife Mapped out to help people. We prayed and
searched over the internet for assistance and i saw your profile on Microsoft email
owners list and picked you. Melinda my wife and i have decided to make sure this is
put on the internet for the world to see. as you could see from the webpage above,am
not getting any younger and you can imagine having no much time to live. although am a Billionaire investor and we have helped some charity organizations from our Fund.

After taken care of the needs of our immediate family members, Before death we
decided to donate the remaining of our Billions to other individuals around the
world in need, the local fire department, the red cross, Haiti, hospitals in truro
where Melinda underwent her cancer treatment, and some other organizations in Asia
and Europe that fight cancer, alzheimer’s and diabetes and the bulk of the funds
deposited with our payout bank of this charity donation. We have kept just 30% of
the entire sum to our selves since i am sick and am writing to you from hospital,
and my wife will be travelling to Germany for Treatment too.

To facilitate the payment process of ($5,000,000.00 USD) you are to send us

your full names……………..
your contact address…………….
your personal telephone number……………

so that i can forward your payment information to you immediately. I am hoping that
you will be able to use the money wisely and judiciously over there in your City.
please you have to do your part to also alleviate the level of poverty in your
region, help as many you can help once you have this money in your personal account
because that is the only objective of donating this money to you in the first place.

Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful You Can Google my name for
more information: Mr Bill Gates or Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Remain Blessed

Regards
Mr Bill Gates.

I went to the Gates Foundation website and found a page devoted to scams and alerted the Foundation to this particular scam.

Until next time! Use the right words! Don’t Get Scammed!

leebarnathan.com

October 20, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Would You Trust This Writing?


I get a great deal of spam email every day. Some of it is simply one line that reads, “Here is the information you requested” or words to that effect, followed by some name and an attachment. Since I don’t know these people and never requested anything, I simply delete. (If you get this email. DO NOT open the attachment. It’s probably a virus).

Then there’s spam like what’s below. What I want to know is, if you’re really trying to scam somebody, shouldn’t you at least get everything spelled and punctuated correctly? It would look much more professional, and it might just fool some people.

I’m diplomatic agent Mr.William Jack i have been trying to reach you on your email about couple of days now, just to inform you about my successful arrival in South San Francisco international airport California, with your consignment box worth $12.3millions. Which i have been instructed by d.h.l courier Delivery Company to be delivered to your home address. The airport authority demanded for all the legal back up papers to prove to them that the atm visa card ready delivery, i have presented the papers I handed to them and they are very much pleased with the papers I presented but the only thing that is still keeping me here is the airport custom yellow tag and international clearance permit certificate. Which is not placed on the package, one of the airport authority has advice that we get the custom yellow tag and international delivery permit certificate which cost $105. Contact me back on sms: +17752384004 / view email (diplomaticagent1994@gmail.com) regard diplomatic. Mr. William Jack

I counted 25 mistakes before I gave up.

Until next time! Use the right words!

It’s here! My début book, “If You Experience Death, Please Call: And Other Fatal Mistakes We Make With Language” is available on Amazon for only $14.95.  Order here.

leebarnathan.com

July 14, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spamity-Spam! Wonderful Spam!


Like so many people, I get more than my fair share of email spam. Because of the way my email is set up, I have to go into each piece to unsubscribe. This does’t seem to lessen the amount of spam I get, so I keep unsubscribing.

But every once in awhile, I find something that truly deserves the name spam.

In two separate emails, one touting a way to cut your energy bills to $1.50 a day like it’s done in the Philippines and Korea (if you believe it) and one explaining why President Obama won’t finish his second term (anybody getting these, too?), I found this sentence:

This is spreading like wild fire all over the internet. Make sure you watch the
presentation until it’s over, because the end will blow your mind!

I don’t know about you, but I think fire is always wild. Even when you think fire is under control (and there are such things as “controlled burns” to try and stop fire from spreading), it can get out of control very fast.

Besides, the word is misspelled. I think the only thing spreading like wildfire are these emails.

Also, how does someone blow your mind? Does he or she blow into your ear (I think there’s a blonde joke in here somewhere)? Does he or she make you put dynamite, exploding cigar or bomb in your mouth that then detonates (I think there’s a Bugs Bunny cartoon in here somewhere)?

Besides, the phrase is a cliché, and clichés make your writing less academic, less intelligent and less interesting if you need to fall back on trite words or phrases.

Kind of like the people who send these emails — the same people who don’t know Internet is capitalized.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

June 23, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment