usingtherightwords

Guaranteed to improve your English

I Have no Friends in Paris or Thailand


I received the following email. I have no idea what this person is talking about, since I never received any past email, and why am I being thanked for something I didn’t do? How does this convince some sucker to get scammed?

Hello friend, 

Did you receive my last email which i sent to you from Thailand? Anyway, the message was to inform you that I have successfully moved the funds to Paris, France. I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort, time and concern you showed to help me out, even though we did not succeed following one reason or the other best known to you. It was with the help of a French business tycoon who was capable of assisting me in this great venture via a diplomatic means. 

For your effort, sincerity, and trustworthiness, you showed at the beginning of the transaction, I have decided to compensate you and show my gratitude with the sum of $750,000. I have authorized my new lawyer who is now also my legal adviser in Bangkok, Thailand to issue you an International certified bank cashiers check which I signed in your favor before leaving Thailand for Paris. I will like you to contact the lawyer for the collection procedure of this international certified bank check, and below is the contact information's of the lawyer:. 

Barr(Mr): Richard Morgan 
e-MAIL: info.ricdmrr@consultant.com
Bangkok Thailand 

At the moment, I'm very busy here because of the investment projects which I and my new partner are having at hand in Paris France. Finally, remember that I have forwarded instruction to the Lawyer on your behalf to send the bank Check to you as soon as you contact him without delay. 
  
Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. I wish you a strong and successful new year. 

Thanks and God bless you and your family. 

Regards, 
Mrs. Rose George 

Capitalization makes it clear that this is not written by someone whose first language is English. I also wonder if the names are real. Probably not.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

May 25, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Richard Lederer: Another of My Heroes


In my newspaper days, the Columbia Journalism Review would publish actual headlines that were unintentionally funny. Many were compiled for a book, Correct Me If I’m Wrong: Press Bloopers As Seen in the Newseum. It’s available on amazon.com. A favorite: “Marijuana Issue Sent to Joint Committee.”

Now, I have discovered Richard Lederer, who has written a series of books that cover all sorts of bad writing. In his 1987 book Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language, Lederer lists more headlines that if read one way are correct but if read another way aren’t.

Here are 12 of my favorites (and my attempts at humor to illustrate the incorrect reading):

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands (but they took the pancakes)

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms (men mushrooms, however, not affected)

Eye Drops Off Shelf (must have been a glass eye)

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids (that will teach those kids to be idle!)

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim (obviously revenge for “man bites dog”)

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice (you get what you pay for)

Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish (proving that you can have a pet human)

Miners Refuse to Work After Death (they spent their entires lives working, after all)

Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests (but no one remembered the KC Masterpiece)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (because rehabilitation didn’t work)

Stolen Painting Found By Tree (and tree demands reward)

Hitler, Nazi Papers Found in Attic (and you thought he died in his bunker)

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

September 23, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment