usingtherightwords

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Mistakes, She’s Made (More Than) a Few


I received the following email. Let’s just say that I won’t be responding, and neither should you. The number of mistakes boggles my mind.

Hope you caught the song-lyric reference in the title.

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

Attn: Beloved,
Good morning,


Greetings in the name of humanity, I am Mrs. Deborah Calvert Herman a citizen of Australia but presently in the Malaysia,used to beworking for the federal government, I am 50 years old, I am now anew Christian but from all indication, my health condition is really deteriorating and it is quite severe because i been suffering for a long time from cancer of the Lungs, from obvious diagnosis,I won't live more than 1 year, according to my doctors, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage.

My late husband died last five years ago, and during the period of our marriage we couldn't produce any child. My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth.

The doctors has advised me that I may not live for more than 1 year, so I now decided to divide the part of this wealth to contribute to the development of the church in Africa, America Asia, and Europe.

I selected you after visiting the website and I prayed over it. I am willing to donate the sum of $25,000.000.00u.usd (twenty five million United States dollars) to the less privileged.

Please I want you to note that this fund is lying in a security company in Malaysia. Once i hear from you, I will forward to you all the information you will use to get fund released from the security company and to be transferred to your account.

I honestly pray that this money when transferred to your account will be used for the said purpose, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without humility, all is vanity.

Please provide me with the following information so I can forward it to a church attorney who used to work at times for my late husband's lawyer.

He is diligent and a Christian so I am confident he is going to handle the transaction with you and lead, advice you on how to secure the funds in your favor.

Information needed:
Full name...................................
Full address......................................
Company and address:...........................
Marital status:...............................
Religion:..........................................
Sex:...................................................
Fax no..............................................
Phone no:............................................



I await your urgent reply. (debh0mmh@gmail.com)
Your sister
Mrs. Deborah Calvert Herman
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May 23, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Richard Lederer: Another of My Heroes


In my newspaper days, the Columbia Journalism Review would publish actual headlines that were unintentionally funny. Many were compiled for a book, Correct Me If I’m Wrong: Press Bloopers As Seen in the Newseum. It’s available on amazon.com. A favorite: “Marijuana Issue Sent to Joint Committee.”

Now, I have discovered Richard Lederer, who has written a series of books that cover all sorts of bad writing. In his 1987 book Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language, Lederer lists more headlines that if read one way are correct but if read another way aren’t.

Here are 12 of my favorites (and my attempts at humor to illustrate the incorrect reading):

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands (but they took the pancakes)

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms (men mushrooms, however, not affected)

Eye Drops Off Shelf (must have been a glass eye)

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids (that will teach those kids to be idle!)

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim (obviously revenge for “man bites dog”)

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice (you get what you pay for)

Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish (proving that you can have a pet human)

Miners Refuse to Work After Death (they spent their entires lives working, after all)

Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests (but no one remembered the KC Masterpiece)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (because rehabilitation didn’t work)

Stolen Painting Found By Tree (and tree demands reward)

Hitler, Nazi Papers Found in Attic (and you thought he died in his bunker)

Until next time! Use the right words!

leebarnathan.com

September 23, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment