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Check the Calendar!

During a recent networking meeting, someone got up and talked about how important it is to get one’s marketing materials in order as soon as the year starts.

“I did this on the very first day of the year, January second,” he said.

Hmmm. What planet starts its numerical sequence with 2?

I think that guy is at least one day short of a month!

Until next time! Use the right words! 

February 6, 2020 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Written and Spoken Networking Nonsense

As I’ve written before, I hear more nonsense coming out of networker’s mouths than anywhere else. Sometimes, I read nonsense coming out of networker’s printers, too.

Like this from a dentist:


Now, when I saw this, I immediately knew this was a typo. The R and T keys are next to each other on a keyboard, so it’s obvious the guy accidentally typed the T instead of the R.

But, for God’s sake, USE SPELLCHECK! Then you’d know it’s not only obviously misspelled, it’s two words.

Of course, what would be a networking meeting without someone uttering something ridiculous? The other night, I heard a hairdresser say, “Today, I was working on Audrey Hepburn.”

Really? You do know she died in 1993 and is buried in Switzerland? That’s some trip you took. And how difficult was it to dig her up? What did her hair look like after all these years? Did you also shampoo it?

Now, I know she meant to say she was working on a woman’s hair that resembled a style Audrey Hepburn once wore, perhaps from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

But you’ve got to be able to speak clearly and concisely or your credibility takes a hit.

Until next time! Use the right words! 

January 14, 2020 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two I Appreciated; Two He Would Have

I recently attended a Los Angeles Clippers basketball game with a high school classmate. He revealed himself to be as much a smart-ass as me.

During the game, somebody behind us said, “It’s only a six-point game. We can still come back.”

My friend said to me, “No, it’s a 60-point game.”

I initially didn’t understand until he pointed out the score: 33-27. Then I caught on. The guy behind us should have said, “It’s only a six-point lead.”

Later in the game, with the Clippers behind, a graphic appeared on the large screen urging the team to play defense.

“DEE-FENSE!” The crowd shouted.

My friend sniffed, “That’s a brick wall.”

Sure enough, the graphic’s background was a brick wall, similar to what one sees at any Improvisation comedy club.

I laughed. My friend would have appreciated the things I recently heard at a networking meeting.

In extolling a fellow networker’s virtues for a job well done, the person called him “Unpeccable.”

I looked at the guy I was sitting next to. “Huh?” I said.

Later, somebody else gave a testimonial in which he said the person was “Jiffy on the spot.”

I again looked at the guy I was sitting next to. “What?” I said. “Did I hear that right?”

“You did,” the guy said.

I didn’t have the heart to tell these people their word choices were far from impeccable, but if they ever need word help, I’m Johnny on the spot.

Until next time! Use the right words!

November 14, 2019 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Networking Meeting Miscommunications

As long as there are humans, and as long as there is communication, there will be human miscommunication, as the following examples overheard at networking meetings show:

I do the same thing but differently — Um, OK. How?

My skin-care products protect against free radicals — But paid radicals are a different story, right?

I could talk for a day, but I’d like to go further — I don’t want to hear you talk for a day, let alone more than that! At least he used further correctly.

If you need an extra 100 percent for a party … — Sorry, I don’t have anymore to give.

If your mess causes you stress, and sometimes little kids … I could go so many ways with this one, but I’ll stick with, isn’t it the mess that got you little kids, and the stress, in the first place?

And finally, a joke I like:

At a networking meeting, everyone was asked to conclude their 30-second commercial/elevator pitch by telling where they wanted to retire. One guy said, “I’ll retire when I need new Michelins!”

I laughed. Nobody else visibly or vocally reacted.

Until next time! Use the right words!

March 13, 2018 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ham and Eggs Green, a Tempest and a Dream

Apologies to Dr. Seuss and Shakespeare, but…

And to think I heard it at a networking meeting!

A construction worker spoke about flipping houses. I wondered how strong one has to be to physically do that.

The man continued, talking about how he can build a home “from the ground up.”

As opposed to, “from the sky down?”

Oh, the words I have heard!

At a different networking meeting, a printer started speaking about what be does for his clients. The guy next to me whispered, “He’s not flat, so he must be a 3D printer.”

I rolled my eyes.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Until next time! Use the right words!

It’s here! My début book, “If You Experience Death, Please Call: And Other Fatal Mistakes We Make With Language” is available on Amazon for only $14.95.  Order here.

June 7, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Riddle of the Grandkids

A woman walked to the microphone at a networking meeting last night and, after giving her 30-second pitch, gave a five-second “something you don’t know about me” line.

She said: “I have no kids, but seven grandkids.” Then she invited us to figure it out.

My first thought was that she was married to someone who has seven grandchildren and, therefore, considers them her grandchildren as well.

But then I started to think about the words: grand meaning “magnificent or splendid”and kids referring to children and not goats.

I asked her if what she meant was that she didn’t just have ordinary children, she had grand children.

No, she replied, her partner has seven grandchildren.

I guess I was being too clever.

Until next time! Use the right words!

It’s here! My début book, “If You Experience Death, Please Call: And Other Fatal Mistakes We Make With Language” is available on Amazon for $14.95.  Order here.

May 5, 2016 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Two Examples of Misspoken Networkers

Recently at a networking meeting, I heard a speaker castigate somebody’s sales pitch by saying, “I get the reasoning but not the logic.”

I don’t get that statement. When I look up reasoning and logic in a thesaurus, I find they’re synonyms. When I look up their dictionary definitions, I see logic is defined as “the science of the formal principles of reasoning.” When I look up reasoning, I get this definition: “the use of a sufficient ground of explanation or of logical defense.”

At that same meeting, I heard somebody say you could upload something to your computer from a website. Actually, the correct word is download, which means “to transfer from a distant to a nearby computer, from a larger to a smaller computer, or from a computer to a peripheral device.”Upload is the opposite, meaning “to transfer from a smaller to a larger computer.”

Oh, if they only heard what they had said.

Until next time! Use the right words!

It’s here! My début book, “If You Experience Death, Please Call: And Other Fatal Mistakes We Make With Language” is out and available on Amazon. Order now for just $14.95. Contact me on my website to reserve your copy or Order here.

September 21, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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