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Written and Spoken Networking Nonsense

As I’ve written before, I hear more nonsense coming out of networker’s mouths than anywhere else. Sometimes, I read nonsense coming out of networker’s printers, too.

Like this from a dentist:


Now, when I saw this, I immediately knew this was a typo. The R and T keys are next to each other on a keyboard, so it’s obvious the guy accidentally typed the T instead of the R.

But, for God’s sake, USE SPELLCHECK! Then you’d know it’s not only obviously misspelled, it’s two words.

Of course, what would be a networking meeting without someone uttering something ridiculous? The other night, I heard a hairdresser say, “Today, I was working on Audrey Hepburn.”

Really? You do know she died in 1993 and is buried in Switzerland? That’s some trip you took. And how difficult was it to dig her up? What did her hair look like after all these years? Did you also shampoo it?

Now, I know she meant to say she was working on a woman’s hair that resembled a style Audrey Hepburn once wore, perhaps from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

But you’ve got to be able to speak clearly and concisely or your credibility takes a hit.

Until next time! Use the right words! 

January 14, 2020 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Little Bit (More) Networking Nonsense

Everybody misspeaks. Networkers just seem to do it more often.

Recently, I attended a meeting in which an IT professional introduced himself. He often reminds that the three most important words in computers are “backup, backup, backup.” So, when he asked the group what are the three most important words this holiday season, some (myself included), answered, “Backup, backup, backup.”

Instead, he said, “Thank you,” “thank you” and “thank you.” He explained the importance of appreciating the business we have received this year.

I agreed — even though it was six words.

The next day, at a different meeting, a commercial real-estate agent announced, “I helped a client sell a house who passed away.”

I didn’t know the house had died.

Until next time! Use the right words!

December 12, 2019 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

They Didn’t Hear What They Said

Listen, my children, and you shall hear, some failing words to not revere.

I heard networkers say the following, and I shake my head and wonder. In the last example, I shake my head and laugh.

You saw the launch of Elon Musk — No, I saw the launch of a SpaceX Falcon Heavy rocket that carried one of Musk’s Tesla Roadster. Musk, as far as I know, is still on Earth.

I’m opening a restaurant on the moon. The food is great, but there isn’t any atmosphere — In addition to the rim shot, I’d like to add that there is atmosphere on the moon. Granted, it’s very scant, almost negligible compared to Earth and inhospitable to humans, but it’s an atmosphere just the same.

Because I’m in this group, I went to my first marijuana store — Just being in this networking group has nothing to do with going to a marijuana store.  The speaker might have meant, “Because I’m in this group, you’ll appreciate that I went to my first marijuana store.”

I thought my car was dying on the vine — OK, I’ve got two problems here. First, “dying on the vine” is a cliche, and we all know that you should avoid cliches like the plague.

Second, a car doesn’t die on the vine. Tomatoes do. Grapes do. Cars don’t. They die on the road, or in a garage or driveway; or in the case of certain sequels, on movie screens (I’m looking at you, Pixar).

Now, I realize that to die on the vine means “to fail, as from lack of support, especially at an early stage.” I know this could happen to a car — and if it did, it would be a lemon, which grows on trees and, therefore, can’t die on a vine.

What’s the biggest reason people don’t get their picture taken? They’re ugly! — A photographer asked the question; another networker answered. I wish I had thought of it.

Until next time! Use the right words!

March 8, 2018 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Seven Things Networkers Should Never Say

George Carlin had this “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” I have these seven things networkers said but shouldn’t have.

You need to be page one of Google for better or worser — I would much rather be found on page one of Google, for better or worse. (I choose better; this writer didn’t.)

We’re donating proceeds to the devastation down South — I would much rather have my proceeds donated to the people who suffered in the devastation down South.

When there’s no traffic, the drive literally goes faster — Thank you for stating the obvious.

We’re hosting the first-ever marathon. It’s only a 5k — Then it isn’t a marathon, is it? A marathon is 26 miles, 385 yards. A 5-kilometer run is 3.1 miles. Big difference.

And first-ever is redundant.

You’re getting your ticket comped. Like Compton — No, getting your ticket comped means it’s free. No disrespect to Compton intended; I have yet to meet the person who calls Compton “free.”

I don’t think I can say free — You just did.

I represent over a bunch of insurance companies — When you don’t know, fake it.

Until next time! Use the right words!

October 5, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Proper Speaking is Sometimes an Illusion

I find networkers by nature to be self-starters and very motivated, which you have to be if you want to make any money through networking. But I really wish people would come to me first and ask, “Does this sound right?”

Chances are, the answer would be yes, except in the following cases.

I will go to the ends of the Earth — Recently, I’ve been watching “The West Wing” on Netflix, and a character said something similar about “the corners of the globe.”

The problem is, there are no ends of the Earth and no corners of the globe.

All the wine you can drink. All the food you can drink, too — If I want a liquid diet, I’ll call the hospital.

Tom Hanks was the emcee in the beginning — And who took over for him at the end?

We raised over $4 million for breast cancer awareness — I’ve written about this before. I think people are really, really aware of breast cancer. But we need to raise more money to find a cure.

Also, and I’ve written about this, too: It’s more than, not over.

I want to thank Harold. I have pestilence bad — Harold runs a pest control company. I don’t think he has enough spray and traps and bait and whatever else he has to combat a worldwide epidemic, such as bubonic plague.

I want to thank Jason for helping my Millennium son — Wow. You son is a thousand years old? Impressive.

I asked my millennial daughter what would she say if someone called her a millennium, and she responded, “Time is an illusion.” Apparently, that is something millennials say.

Until next time! Use the right words!

September 21, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Words Get in the Way of Networking

When it comes to networking, I find it funny that a person who needs to use the right words to sell himself or herself often says things that make me wonder. Following are actual words I heard networkers utter.

funny hanky panky — I don’t usually find anything funny about hanky panky, unless it’s like something from the “American Pie” movies.

cleaning maids — Is there any other kind? (NOTE: I know a maid is “a young unmarried woman,” but that is a shortening of the original word, maiden.)

protect against free radicals — as opposed to paid radicals?

We’re holding a Shakespearean meeting: on the Ides of March — First of all, the Ides of March (March 15) predates Shakespeare’s play. S0 does Julius Caesar’s assassination — by about 1,600 years .

I got married to my wife — No, you got married to a woman who then became your wife.

It costs just $8,000 a month, $100,000 a year — No, it costs $96,000 a year.

I have a prosthetic shoulder, which some of you know about and some of you don’t — That about covers it.

Until next time! Use the right words!

February 28, 2017 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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